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'Deuce,…' Lexx couldn't force himself to get off the couch. Thinking about it had been one thing, actually moving himself to do it was another. He continued staring ahead, eyes wide and feeling unusually cold as he broke out into a nervous sweat. 'What am I thinking? I can't do this. Chel would be very angry with me if she found out. I would have a lot of explaining to do.'
He wrestled with himself. The other side creeping in with comments, 'See what this is causing in you? You were just told not to pursue this relationship and now you are baiting yourself into it. What ARE you thinking?'
'I want to know! Why is this so hard? It's just a little peek. Just to answer a question. She'll answer it honestly,.. dreams are always honest,' Lexx persisted in a childlike manner to himself. His pent up emotions were starting to take over in ways he wasn't sure how to handle. How long had it been? Years. He'd chosen that route and now he was almost afraid of himself.
Control. It never seemed a struggle until you were faced with a certain temptation. Lexx had always kept himself away from the things that he knew he was weak against. He had built up an automatic response to females that came near him. The moment they crossed the barrier of touching him, he recoiled. Now, he had to fight the physical need for contact that he had allowed to occur just a few times before.
The craving was there, but also the knowledge that if he went too far, Chel would most likely not touch him again. It would make her uncomfortable and it would probably make him uneasy as well.
Just a little peek. A response to the question that was bouncing around in his mind was all that Lexx wanted. He told himself that, even though what he really wanted was just to be near Chel. He wanted to touch her, take her into his arms, hold her and kiss her. He knew he would not be able to get away with that, but a little less would satisfy him.
'She'll think it's all a dream. She would not have to be put into an awkward position like during the dueling truths game. I didn't like how that made her feel. It was confusing,' Lexx shifted and considered further. He recalled what that had been like. For a brief moment there had been something there that intrigued Lexx, then it was gone. He had felt horrible for skimming, but like now, he just wanted to know a little about what she was feeling.
'Just a peek. It won't hurt,' The decision was made. Lexx gently slid Maenae off his leg and put her against Riley, then shakily rose to his feet and forced his legs to move. 'There's not any harm in just asking a question.'
2 thoughts on “June 24, 2003 (1 Comment)”
Refugnic
Just to quote some wise guy or another: ‘Do not ask questions, if you aren’t prepared for the answers you might find.’
Bluntly put, Lexx is most everything…but NOT prepared to face this…but well, keep digging, it’s your grave after all.
Keiya
Maenae! She’s always super-adorable but even more so here.
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